Regret - When Betrayal Leaves a Mark

Regret has a way of lingering long after betrayal and brokenness have shaken our lives. In this powerful episode of A New Level Awaits You, we step into the tension of what we wish we could undo—the words we didn’t say, the boundaries we didn’t set, the trust we gave too freely, or the choices made in the aftermath of deep hurt.

Joined by special guest Nadine Brown, this conversation gently but boldly uncovers how regret often attaches itself to betrayal, quietly shaping how we see ourselves, others, and even God. But regret does not have to become your identity—or your future.

Drawing from the heart of the Thriving & Wholeness Series and insights from Freedom After Betrayal, this episode offers a path forward. Together, we explore how to:

•  Release the weight of “if only” and “what if” 
•  Break agreement with false guilt and misplaced responsibility 
•  Allow God to redeem even the moments we wish we could erase 
•  Step into healing that leads not just to survival—but to thriving 

If betrayal has left you carrying regret, this episode is an invitation to lay it down. You are not defined by what happened to you—or even how you responded in the pain. There is still a new level waiting for you.

✨ Because betrayal does not get the final word—and neither does regret.

More resources, go to www.loisflewelling.com.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hi, I am Lois Wellington. We all desire spiritual growth, but do not always know where to begin. When a new level awaits you, we provide steps to guide you into your divine assignment and reach new levels of greatness in the Lord. You'll begin to soar above every obstacle and enter into your specific assignment. So get ready to go from glory to glory as new levels await you. We have Nadine Brown. Nadine, welcome to uh this podcast. A New Level Awaits You. As you know, we've been focusing on um the book that I recently wrote, Freedom After Betrayal, which is a part of the Thriving and Wholeness Series. And today we're going to be talking about regret and how does that relate to betrayal? So I wanted to have a little bit deeper discussion around regret because I think many of us have regrets. Would you agree with me on that? We all make these decisions and then we regret. Well, how do we manage regret? What how do we manage regret when betrayal happens to us? So I want to welcome Nadine today. I think she's going to give us some powerful insights into regret and um how we can apply it to our life. So, Nadine, I'm going to shift it to you a little bit here. So, welcome. What would you like to say in regards to regret?

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Well, we've been dealing, I've been dealing with some going through the book and getting the understanding on betrayal. I think sometimes that what we think is one thing, and then we start learning things and what the word says, what God says about betrayal, what God says about regret is a different road. Um at my age, sometimes I have some uh opportunities to talk with and try to help other people deal with regrets and betrayals. And so actively going through the book, God started showing me, even in a dream, he showed me a betrayal that I had that I wouldn't necessarily have labeled that a betrayal, but it how it processed through me was a betrayal. And I think as you age and you go through life, you're not, you're gonna have them. You're gonna have them from all different avenues. And like uh Lois had been teaching us recently about the different levels of friendships, and there's different levels of friendships, different influences in your life that cause betrayals that go at a certain more surface level or at a deeper level. But the indicator is your reaction, and what your core beliefs are, are your reactions lining up with your core beliefs and what what God would say. Do you have an understanding of what God says the purpose of betrayal is?

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Yes. And as we she was mentioning that betrayal is interesting. We were talking about, she's referring to we can have uh, you know, we can have acquaintances, we can have um friends, we can have close friends, we can have intimate friends, and then we can have covenant friends. And I learned through betrayal when this type of things happen that we can shift those up and down at any time because of the betrayal. Now, what how does regret, as you mentioned that, Nadine, how does regret, you know, fit in there? Do you would you say?

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Well, for myself, I discovered that with my betrayal, I had maybe in the past said, I'm just gonna keep moving on, I can't do anything about it. And I was even forced to move on and had to um get on with life or whatever. But there's also actions and reactions in there that um can damage other people, can damage your own life, it can cause bad decisions, it can cause you to shrink back and you you don't, you're sort of stuck. You don't make progress in your life, or you keep bumping up against the same thing over and over if it hasn't been allowed to be healed and processed with the Lord. And I think that's what we were talking about is the regret of it's healthy to have a regret. It sort of shows you that there's a place in there that God can grab a hold of and heal and transform and bring life to that area. And in the he does it for you, he doesn't do it to pile more guilt on you through regret, he does it to bring life and so that you can get on with who you're designed to be, and you're not stuck with bitterness or or anger or whatever else. And he does it very softly and gently, yeah. And that's what we we've been discussing this because of a lot of reasons, you know. Actively things can be actively going on day to day, day to day with betrayal, and how are you gonna handle that?

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Yeah, and you know, I was thinking about uh the story of Peter, and you know, Jesus really he kind of rebuked him, he kind of said, you know, Peter denied him three times. And uh, you know, Jesus just, you know, rebuked him at one point, but what happened with Peter? Peter took that, and like she said, sometimes regret is a good thing, and Peter took that and he he he regretted denying Jesus, denying knowing him. And we may regret sometimes certain things, certain decisions that we've made in our lives, or certain uh words that we've spoken out, certain actions that we have done. But the good thing about Peter, Peter went back and he did uh he repented, he repented for it, and it was a genuine uh repentance. So I want to get into uh a little bit here about the difference between what is the difference between like uh uh well I'll call it human regret compared to divine regret or godly regret. And I just want to quote this to you. I says human regret implies sorrow over actions and consequences, but not always results in true repentance. See, that wasn't Peter. Peter uh had human regret, but here's divine regret. It's a word called nation, and it implies a deep emotional response over an action. Here's Peter's. He had uh he had a deep emotional response. He went and he repented. He said, Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for doing this, but he didn't just stop there, he turned it around. He did other actions that turned it around. And so sometimes if we don't make the right actions, the right turnaround, we're gonna suffer the consequences of those particular things that we did because it's not true repentance. So I'm gonna shift this back to Nadine if she wants to add to that or even take us into a different direction on that. But I wanted to explain the difference in regret so that we can understand God's divine, uh, when we have divine regret, it's we're gonna have a deep reaction to it. So how do you want to respond to that, Nadeen?

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Well, I can think back to my own life. Um, sometimes there were things going on, I call in the background. There's a backstory. And I had I was doing some healing and I had been betrayed very deeply and was doing healing and so forth. And in the in the um interim of that healing process, I had maybe hasty reactions. I had aloof reactions, I isolated, I didn't want to be with people and to keep them away. I might have had angry reactions, a curt type of reactions. And and that's like um that's where your regrets can come in. Now you could take it into your workplace, you could take it into your family, you know. If I didn't do as I wished I had done, then I have regrets. But I also need to know, and I think that the good part of this story is you take this to the Lord and you re-repent and ask him to come in and heal this. He can not only heal you and set you free, not to um in a haughty way to keep going, but in a re in a response to truth being spoken in your heart on who you are, yes, and how much he loves you and how much he loves the person that you may have hurt or that has hurt you. It puts it in a different perspective and it sets you free.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

And that then it allows God to come into their lives because you're not you're not having those ties. And that's what we really want. We don't we don't want to come to the end of our lives and be stuck with in the um groove of regrets. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

And yeah. Go ahead. I was gonna just say, you know, you mentioned about motives and and so forth. Can you kind of talk about that a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Well, I think there are decisions made that they're in there. What was the motivation for a decision? Sometimes it's an act of betrayal in your life, and you're like, I'm just gonna, you know, I'm gonna get out of here. I'm at it with people, whatever, whatever, whatever. And you uproot everything and you move. And and then what was the motivation of that? It was shame, it was anger, it was betrayals that were active, and it didn't um give God a chance to come in and heal that. And it may take you in wrong directions, but your motivation is self-protection. And that, and that's probably quite often what that is when it involves betrayal. And I was my uh what was I selfish? Did I let out on somebody and tell them off because they deserved it? And I just selfishly took that road, right? You know. Um, were there prideful ambitions? Did I betray somebody at a job and go up over them to get their position or try to look good as in the eyes of the um people over you, your bosses or whatever? Did it hurt others? Chances are yes, it did hurt others, but it could be on purpose and it could be inadvertently with you doing the best you can with your backstory, right? With your motivation. So it can be entangled in a lot of things, regrets, but God gives us that opportunity to take care of that and come into a healing and a release and some peace with that.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Right. And I think motives is is is a very strong, powerful thing that we need to examine. Yeah. What is our motives for why we did what we did? What is the reason, you know, and then when we look at those motives and we see that oh, uh it came out of the flesh, like Peter, he was scared. He didn't want to, he he was fear just gripped him when he went into that denial. You know, we there's different stories in the Bible of different people regretting. I'm thinking about Esau. He was jealous, he was angry. Um, and so, but yet he weeped and and loved on his brother when he saw his brother. But many, many years later did that happen because he began to realize God, I believe God started to speak. And then also uh, you know, Jacob kind of he made amends too. God worked on him. So on both sides, sometimes people will regret. You made a comment, you know, about um that you you had talked to your sister, and the sister, can you tell us a little bit about she works in hospice and and so forth and how how she sees regret?

SPEAKER_01 13:33

Uh yes, I have a sister that is um her ministry is hospice, she's been doing it several years and and has a big heart for the people. And she goes into the situations trying to breach um chasms that families may have, and which oftentimes involves the anger and the regrets. And some people are self-justified and they don't even want to bother with it. They don't, they think, well, I'm right, and that's it, and that's it. I'm not gonna apologize. I and they oftentimes will die alone. The families don't come along, and um, they can, and so she will go in and sit with them and minister to them about regrets and forgiveness and that type of stuff. But she's like, oftentimes people will go through the dying process to their death with regrets in it. It's sad because it's lonely and it's bitter, and and sometimes it even causes the death because of the health issues that can arise from holding all of this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

So I think the Lord wants to say to you right now, you know, we can have betrayal, we can have brokenness, we can have things that happen to us, but what what we do in that in that response to all of this is so important. Yeah. Because I believe, you know, we know that betrayal occurs is with somebody usually that we know, somebody that we're close to, somebody, you know, people that we trusted. Um, but what happens in these family lines when neither side will, you know, take the initiative to examine some of their regrets before and and make the situation different. And I believe that that this is a strong word to some of you that you know you've lived in this hurt, you've lived in this brokenness, you've lived in this betrayal. And believe me, I don't want to, I'm not telling you to get back into a situation that where harmful betrayal has occurred. That's not what I'm saying. I'm talking about let's do business with the Lord, let's allow the Lord to work in our hearts to change that out. And and this is what happened, you know, in these situations, you know, we we look at David. I mean, he did business with the Lord, and he suffered the consequences of his actions, yes, but he also, you know, did the business with the Lord so we could have this, you know, still sad about him, he had a heart after God. And I believe that betrayal happens to just about everybody. I I know that it does. We all can make wrong decisions in it. We we live out of the anger that you mentioned, we live out of uh, you know, all kinds of things in the midst of betrayal. But God wants you to know that that he's there for you, he he wants to shift this all around, he he loves you so much, he doesn't want you to stay in that type of environment in your heart where you do just human human regret and take care of that. But but he wants you to really see that it's you know, we're not just to cover up our sin. Because I want to mention this because sometimes, like David, he tried to just cover up the sin. And what happened is he got tangled and tangled and tangled, so more sin occurred, and then his consequences were quite severe. And so, um, as we look at this, we want to just shift here a little bit to okay, so we have regret, we've been betrayed, we have things that have gone on. How do we manage this?

SPEAKER_01 17:45

I I think this can be not to take this in the wrong way, but I think we can gain control by taking um taking control of what we do with our regrets. If we are in control of something, we're not victimized by that any longer, on purpose or inadvertently. Right. I can control the fact that I have this regret and I can take it to the Lord and and repent and ask forgiveness and let him straighten this out in my emotions and in my life. And I've taken control by giving control, essentially, turning it over to God. And but and but also the result of that for myself is I'm no longer a victim. I don't operate out of victim um responses, and I also have learned to maybe put up better boundaries, yes, so that people cannot come in and keep doing that, and you recognize that and instead of hiding, instead of anger. Anger is okay. Anger is also an indicator, but what do you do with it? You you take it to the Lord and ask, you know, and ask him to bring in the truth into situations. So I think that um by taking control, by giving control to the Lord, you can um release a lot of that victimize in the responses and in the being um immobilized by this.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

I think control is a huge thing here. It is. And you know, I'm thinking about we want to take control of the situation, yeah. And our responses oftentimes come out of the flesh because of the control that we're thinking we can manage it. But when we release, like you said, that control, we release it over to the Lord and let out the outcome is totally different.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

It is, it's totally it's healing, yes, and you don't live with the anger and the response, and they're like, here he goes again, and here they go again, and what do I do? Because you haven't you haven't given that over and you haven't gotten truth. You haven't let the Lord minister, or the Lord minister to you with other people, too. Sometimes you can't do it by yourself because you don't recognize it, and uh, you need that healing to move on, yeah, be happy.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

You know, um I'm thinking about you know, a couple of my chapters in there, it talks about you know the arrows and the broken arrows and stuff and how that infection can get in. Regret is part of that infection, and if we do nothing with the regret, then it it just it kind of gets in and that grows that that anger, or you mentioned the victimization, you know, grows within us and it's not helpful at all. And so we need to, you know, face our regret just like we face betrayal. Um, I want to mention a scripture, and I know you have a scripture as well, but in 2 Corinthians, um, I'm in, I'm gonna be just reading just a piece out of chapter seven, the very first word. This is out of the Passion Bible, and it said, beloved ones, with promises like these, and because of our deepest respect and worship of God, we must remove everything from our lives that contaminates body and spirit, and to continue to complete the development of holiness within us. So we we look at this. There's this Paul urging us to come on, let's let's get rid of anything that's gonna contaminate us. And regret does that, it will contaminate us, and we need to uh, whether it's it's like he said, whether it's in our body or whether it is in our spirit, we're to continue to try to develop that holiness that we can within us. But if we go over to verse eight, um he continues. In this chapter, but he says, even if my letter, he wrote them a letter, he made some comments to them, he he directed some things. And sometimes people direct us, you know, they kind of say to us, you know, wow, you're you that was not a good response, or or that you shouldn't have said that, and they get, but he said, It made you, might have made you sorrowful. I don't regret sending it, even though I felt awful for a moment when I heard how it grieved you. Now I'm overjoyed, not because I made you sad, but because your grief led you to a deep repentance. You experienced godly sorrow, and as God intended, it brought about gain for you, not loss, so that no harm has been done by us. God designed us to feel remorse over sin in order to produce repentance that leads to victory. This leaves us with no regrets, but the sorrow of the world works death. And I know that that you know what Paul is saying is sometimes we have people speak into us if we have really good friends, yes, those close friends, and they're seeing some things in us. We and we can allow them to speak into our lives and say, wow, you know, that anger is consuming you, or you're that isolation. You got to get yourself out of that isolation after what betrayal did to you. Um, this is what Paul is talking about. And I'm so thankful that I have those type of friends that will speak into me and help me to get out of myself, like he said, and get into that um godly sorrow. And then what he says, repentance that leads to victory, and then I don't have any regrets. So I'll pass it over to you in your response or whatever you want to say.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Yeah, I I also we look we were looking at this particular scripture together, and the Lord also took us into 2 Corinthians 2. Um, and I'm in the Passion Translation as well. And I said, if you freely forgive anyone for anything, then I also forgive him. Um, and if I have forgiven anything, I do so for you before the face of Christ, so that we might we would not be exploited by this adversary, by Satan. Yeah, for we know his clever schemes. Now, how would you be exploited? You would come back with self-justification, with self-vindication, with anger, with and and not only that, you could come back with gossip. Yes, you can defame their character. Now, when you look at um your own backstory and the what maybe why you um uh had this regret and what your actions were, is that pretty good chances that that other person has the same. He's come in operating out of a hurt, out of a whatever, or whatever it is. But if you've forgiven and lose it loses the power over us being exploited and hurting more people and damaging more people.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

Oh my goodness, yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Yeah. And it's okay. You know, I it's good to give, um, I don't know, to go to somebody. I'm sorry that this happened, that I spoke this way, this is what was going on in my life. If it's if you get the opportunity and and just explain it and just say how re how regretfully sorry you are that that happened, that you've and God showed this to you, and that you you realize it, and you don't want to that to continue to hurt them. And you and that esteems that person to the fact that it wasn't them, it was you. And you take that responsibility. It's a it's a wonderful opportunity. They may accept it, they may not, then you may get to do it, you may not, but it's an opportunity to bring God into the middle of it, passing it forward from the backwards, right?

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Yeah, from the source. Because and it works both ways. You might not get that same response back from them. That's not your deal, right? You have to do what God is calling you to do in the midst of that so that you can be healed. And like Paul said, He designed us this way, he designed us to feel remorse over sin, over the things that we've said or done that has caused problems for other people, in order to what it says to produce repentance that what leads to victory. And we want the victory, we want that, because just worldly sorrow, he says, produces death. And that's what I talk about this in the book that you know we keep that as infections in there, it's it's gonna kill us from the inside out. It kills kills us emotionally, it it causes can cause death for our our physical bodies, and also spiritually, it can set up some uh barriers for us because we can't see the truth any longer.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

And you're tired and you're defeated, and it, you know, it's all of that stuff, and it just takes a like a little touch back onto that to stir up that infection again that has not been healed.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Yes, yeah. So I hope we've encouraged you today, uh, give you more insight into a regret, but we don't want to leave it here on a down note. We want to we want to leave you on a positive note. So I'm gonna turn to Nadine again, and she's going to, I believe I'm gonna ask you if you would just leave us on a positive note around this regret, but also, you know, lead us into a time of prayer, if you would.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

I would encourage everybody to um be vulnerable, you know, be vulnerable um with the Lord in your relationship with him, not of the law, not out of you sinned and you're gonna have this happen, but out of the love the Lord has for you in relationship that he's always calling on. Um, and to take that chance and talk with God, simply talk with him. You know, years back I I was angry about something, and I sat and I took a notebook and I sat for a good three hours and told God, well, I was angry with him, when I thought, well, that that was just brilliant. But it got me to a place where I emptied out the anger, and then he started ministering back. And you can liken that is to talking to somebody trustworthy, uh a parent or a friend or whatever. So, you know, take a chance with God, let him into this area. And we were uh praying with somebody recently that had these um regrets and these little pockets of infections, and as we prayed, we saw them turning to gold. They were they were not fractures and deep and live anymore, they had turned to gold, and God can use that, and God wants to do that for you. So another time, another thing, just one more quick note is if we leave him out of the process and block off that part of our heart, say you're not gonna let anybody hurt you again or whatever, you blocked off a lot of your heart. You block off a lot of people, you block off um situations and and opportunities by blocking off and choosing and not choosing. And if you take that stuff to him and be vulnerable before God and see what he will do with that, you get healthy, healthy um uh healing and healthy responses that come into those places of darkness. And it brings a lot of light and a lot of peace. So, Lord, we just thank you that you've shown us the truth and the motivation of regret, that we don't have to live with that. We don't have to be responsive in angry ways in the ways of the world. We don't even have to try to bury it with things, like shopping or drinking or any of this kind of stuff that people can use as vices, Lord. But as we begin to realize this, that we invite you in as soon as we realize it and we ask your healing on that, Father, turn our minds to the victory side of regret, Father, so that we can bring life to your people. Yeah, and we know that's what you want. You know we know you're a loving God, and we just thank you for that.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

And Lord, I just pray right now, too, that your arrows, your fiery arrows will just hit upon these very dis uh situations, Lord, and bring a unity between these people again, if that's your will. Like I said, Lord, we don't want anybody re-entering into an abusive situation or a situation that would be harmful. But Lord, cover them, protect them in all of their decisions. But Lord, I'm talking about really piercing their hearts so that they turn to you because you are the source. You are the one, you are our healer, and Lord God, you can deliver us from all the hurt, the pain, the shame, whatever, the anger, the fear. You can remove it all and just take that off enough so that we can live our lives abundantly for you, Lord. Bless each and every one, I pray. In your precious name. Amen. Amen. Well, thank you, Nadine, for joining me today. I really appreciate um what she's added to this uh whole thing on freedom after betrayal. And next week we'll be talking about, we'll be entering into another episode that goes along with my book. My desire is that you will rise above uh any kind of betrayal, any kind of brokenness that you have, that you rise above and get the freedom and the wholeness that God has designed purposely for you. So God bless you, and we will talk next time. I want to thank you for watching and joining me on this journey as we go higher. Expect to grow, expand your territory, and enter into new levels of intimacy with the Lord. Check out my website at loisforwelling.com for books, online courses, podcasts, and other resources to help you soar in the Lord. Are you interested in increasing your confidence, being able to speak assertively, subdue your fears, manage life situations effectively, and overcome rejection or betrayal so that you can tenaciously stand back up again? Then you must sign up for a free strategy session so we can design a plan specifically for you. I now offer one on one coaching sessions with group sessions coming soon. My heart is to equip and make disciples and advance them into living a life more abundantly. Yes, my website is loisforwelling.com. Check it out, and I hope to be talking to you soon.